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How Will This Make Me a Better Doctor?
Kendra Campbell -- I’m only done with my third week of medical school, but I already feel like a different person. The events of the past 3 weeks have tested me on almost every level. Is it okay that I already feel like medical school is an overwhelming juggernaut looming on my horizon? I’ve been told that the first semester of medical school is "the easiest", as it’s a lot of review, and less material than the rest of the semesters. Does this mean that I am going to fail? If this is considered "easy," then I’m definitely not ready for "difficult."
In the past week alone, I’ve experienced every possible emotion. I’ve gone from being completely excited and ecstatic about medical school, to completely depressed and sure that I’m going to fail. To add to my stress, I acquired a nasty cold last weekend, and my energy and strength are dwindling.
In my moments of despair, I thought back to the words of our dean who greeted us before classes began. She said that throughout your medical education, you must ask yourself, "How will this make me a better doctor?" I didn’t fully grasp what she meant at the time, and I’m not sure I fully grasp it now, but I think I might be starting to understand.
A few days ago, as I sat in the library, staring at the insurmountable mound of information on my desk, I felt despair when trying to memorize the structures of every amino acid. "This should be easy," I said to myself. "Why can’t I memorize this?" Yet, no matter how many times I looked at the molecules, when I looked away, I instantly forgot the structure. My despair turned to anger. Why do I need to memorize these stupid structures anyway? Why am I torturing myself? And then it occurred to me to ask a different question: "How will this make me a better doctor?" I realized that not only did I need to know the structures of all the amino acids in order to understand protein interactions, and hence a huge component of how the human body works, but I needed to be able to tackle a problem and come up with a good solution, without completely freaking out.
Don’t doctors need to be able to do that? If you’re treating a patient and you can’t figure out exactly what’s wrong with them, it’s a bad idea to pull your hair out and stamp your feet! You must be able to calmly address the problem and figure out a reasonable solution. So, I did. I came up with a silly mnemonic, which helped me remember the characteristics and structures of the amino acids.
The past 2 weeks have been full of similar examples. When my electricity went out, and I was running a fever, and it was over 80 degrees in my bedroom, I asked myself, "How will this make me a better doctor?" When I had to lug my 100-pound bag of books up a steep hill and I fell down and skinned my knee, I asked myself, "How will this make me a better doctor?" When I was so sick that I could barely move and my significant other needed help, I asked myself, "How will this make me a better doctor?"
I found out that every time I asked myself that question, I was able to come up with a very good answer, and by doing so I was able to find some solace. Now, as I sit here in the silent and frigid library, surrounded by piles of books, diagrams, and anatomical flash cards, I’m still convinced that I’m losing my mind. The toilet paper stuffed in my nose is saturated and beginning to drip, and I know that there is no way I will be able to study everything in front of me. But I know that I can still ask myself, "How will this make me a better doctor?"
September 24, 2006 in Kendra Campbell | Permalink
Comments
it's great to see this blog. i also go to ross and am a 4th semester.
i am just like you. whenever i get frustrated with the overwhelming amount of material, i think to myself...if i don't learn and understand this, how am i going to be of any help to my future patients. i do not want to be the girl who just "high yields" everything in school and aims for MPS for every exam.
hang in there. there are a lot of other students in your position.
Posted by: elle | Sep 24, 2006 2:52:27 PM
It's a nice entry to read, I can still definately remember my first year of med school last year. What you write is like exactly what I had as well, but as time passed you start to realise that it's not that bad at all. Once you get into it you will realise that the first several months were easy after all, even if at first you thought different.
Also you will learn to understand the answer to the question "how will this make me a better doctor?".
Just hang in there as elle has said, if you just stay focussed you'll make it ;).
Posted by: Stef | Sep 25, 2006 10:17:48 AM
this website have been really helpful and has encourage me to not give up on my dreams and to continue on working harder on achieving my goals. Hang in there and be positive.
Posted by: Jeandy | Sep 26, 2006 3:37:41 PM
I am a first termer @ st. George's and have been going through the same feelings you have written about. It always feels good hearing that you are not alone and that others share the same feelings as you do. There are times when I feel I can pass my classes no problem and there are times where I feel I have no chance of ever passing. In the end all we can do is give it our best and put everything we have into our goals.
Posted by: Erick | Sep 26, 2006 4:19:00 PM
I'm a little over a month into my first semester in medical school. About a week ago, I was depressed. Overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information that I am expected to "master". Tired from all the hours spent reading and understanding. I was ready to give up and go home.
What changed my mind? An afternoon spent in our clinic with a family practice doctor. It's funny but those few hours recharged me and reminded me of the reason that I came to medical school. Hopefully, your medical school will encourage you to get some clinical experience early. It makes all the difference.
Posted by: Ron LeMaster | Sep 26, 2006 5:08:48 PM
Dear GOD!
Have the Mimi's of this world learned absolutely nothing from the Drew Cary show?
I'm sorry lady, but before you learn to become a better doctor, you need to learn what it means to be a normal human being! If, I woke up in a hospital bed with you staring down, at me I would have a coronary!
Let me guess, you are also a Democrat!
Posted by: SB | Sep 26, 2006 6:10:44 PM
Ha ha ha... Love the "electricity went out ... running a fever... 80 degrees in my bedroom... lug my 100-pound bag of books up a steep hill and I fell down and skinned my knee". Welcome to Ross! Its not bad... actually it is... but thats medical school... but stay with it, take time of to relax (secret beach), just don't get caught up in studying or stressing over it constantly, you will be looking back in 18 months and wondering how quickly time passed!
Posted by: ST | Sep 26, 2006 7:38:23 PM
The fact of the matter is this, nothing will make you a better doctor if you don't have it within yourself. You can walk up hills both ways in the snow and you won't be a better doctor. You and only you can make yourself a better doctor. Perseverance and determination are one thing, but the true human side of medicine is another, one which only time will tell.
Posted by: Bob | Sep 26, 2006 8:29:37 PM
It has been over 20 years since I sat in that chair and wondered how in the hell was I ever going to learn all that lay before me. To this day, I still have a little run of tachycardia when I think back upon those times.
Of course, I knew that they had made a terrible mistake and that I really should not be in their class so I just relaxed and decided to learn as much as I could until that time that they discovered their mistake and unceremoniously kicked my stupid butt out of their school........no, really! Anyway, the volume of material that you are "learning" now is just the beginning of a long and arduous trip that will have many ups and many downs. Remember to have trust in yourself that you are good enough to travel this road and get on with the trip..........this is but the start.
Never lose sight of the fact that what you learn today is a building block that will (yes it will so shut up!) allow you to someday ease the burden of another human. And never forget that you are but a human as well........no better and no worse than any of your future patients.........just one with a special calling who will soon be honored with the privledge and the great responsibility of helping another.
As we used to say in a few decades ago........KEEP THE FAITH, BABY. Now, hit the books and learn every beautiful thing that you can about the magnificent creature called Man.
Posted by: DrB | Sep 26, 2006 8:44:12 PM
Elle makes a good point--there are lots of other students in your position. Thinking of all the people that have gone through this before me helps me remember that it is possible, despite feeling otherwise. Also remember the other students around you should be forming part of your support group! Some days the only thing that gets me through is the people around me who help me study and encourage me that we can all do this thing. I am privileged to be attending a medical school where we are reminded daily by our teachers to rely on each other for help. I understand this may not be typical. I think that is criminal! Find other students who are starting out and form a support group. It is a huge help. By the way, I am suffering a cold as well--not fair!
Posted by: karin | Sep 27, 2006 6:59:27 AM
It is truly a privilege to have the opportunity to study medicine and one day be able to treat those in need. I am in my fifties and in medical school.....I believe there is no limit to what we can become and age is no factor. Although, I have many years experience behind me, studying medicine is an experience in itself. I too sit hours looking over a slew of information and try to make sense of it all, however, my sanity comes with knowing, not every person has been given the privilege to study medicine. Knowing this makes the journey well worth it!
Posted by: Eve | Sep 27, 2006 1:42:01 PM
Medical school is hard. Just keep your faith and do it one step at a time and try not to worry about things. It may sound cliche but it's true. Worrying will only make it more difficult to overcome.
Posted by: elisa | Sep 27, 2006 2:21:12 PM
I'm so glad I went to medical school in the UK. Don't get me wrong, it was very stressful and pretty traumatic at times, but it never seemed as crazy as some of the stories that I have read about medical students in America. We still had time to socialize, participate in sports and other extra-curricular activities.
Posted by: Din | Sep 27, 2006 4:04:08 PM
Hai3x....(waving)
I think it sounds stressful outthere...
But, belive me, when u wrote it (tell anyone about it), u actually think that it was a very adventurous moment that u'll never regret...(grinning).
Just enjoy every secon coz not everybody is lucky to join a medical school...
Ganbatte kudasai...
Ok, have a nice day everyone...
Don't forget to read back several subject that have passed (to remind u...).;D
Posted by: Fillian | Sep 27, 2006 8:25:29 PM
So I don't know what you guys are talking about. If medical school is stressing you out, you're not doing it right. Smoke some weed man
Posted by: me | Sep 27, 2006 9:50:04 PM
Come on! Don't be sad.. we just want to cheer you up!
I'm sorry to tell you that medical career is stressfull as it seems yet you learn to manage your own stress... i go to the gym, dance, je suis étudiante de français aussi, but the first three years were the most difficult of my career... Remember if there are ppl that overcame problems.. why don't you? we all are med students.
Au revoir
bonne chance
Jessi
Posted by: Jessica. | Sep 27, 2006 10:22:53 PM
Oh, I was also like you at the beginning when I joined the medical school after 20 years of finishing my high school. The stress was even more especially in my frist year. As time went on , I became somehow relieved though I was still stressful.
Just keep on trying, there is nothing hard on earth, and there is nothing enjoable like medicine. One day your dreams will become a reality. I too happened to be successful when I successfully completed my medical course.You should never forget to consult your lecturers and University mates, they will be of great help to you.
Posted by: EMMIE | Sep 28, 2006 4:19:10 AM
I tell u why u have to memorize all the amino acids...to pass the test...afterwards you could actually reformat your harddrive aka.brain... no patient on earth would ask you how glutamic acid or ATP looks like..or why protein G could bind better to IgG1 than protein A won from streptoccous aureus...
it's just not substantial...don't make a head out of it..learn physiology and anatomy very good..the 2 gonna haunt you for the rest of your medical career..as for biochemistry....unless you wanna be a biochemist..you don't need to master biochemistry.
go ask any doctor in any hospital whether they still know how Tryptophan looks like... i'll bet 10 bucks they won't know it anymore.
just believe in yourself..
Posted by: Oscar | Sep 28, 2006 10:22:26 AM
i go to ross right now.. .. and one thing i learned is not to listen to everything u hear. i remember in first everyone said first is easier than 2nd.. and that scared me because i didnt get the grades i wanted to... but it all depends on the person.. i personally found the adjustment hard, thus makin 1st sem harder.. and i personally thought 2nd was easier.. but it is all individual.. right now everyone says o 3rd is easy.. but i dont think so. well at least so far..
my point is that.. dont let peoples words discourage you.. jus keep your head up and try ur best.. i think thats all we can do.. good luck
Posted by: chrissy | Sep 28, 2006 3:09:28 PM
Maybe if you got a haircut you could get into a real medical school, you freak. You're not a free spirit, you're a disgrace to medicine.
Posted by: MDmed | Sep 28, 2006 4:41:11 PM
I think the jerks who write about the author being a disgrace to medicine because of her hair are the ones who are a disgrace!! (let me guess, you're republicans?)
c'mon guys, keep the site clean and positive. and grow up.
Posted by: joey | Sep 28, 2006 8:52:21 PM
I think you are awesome for many reasons =) It is not easy to leave home to a far away land to study medicine. I believe that to be a better person is a learning process and so does being a better doctor =) I have not started medical school yet. I will attend Ross along with the January class =)
I have heard that studying medicine is not easy and I admire your motivation and also to enjoy life in the process =) Hang in there!!! You can do it =)
As for MDMed, do you not think that it is not a disgrace to be disrespectful to others?
As for Kendra, you are awesome.
Posted by: bellocielo | Sep 28, 2006 10:41:43 PM
well.... first of all let me tell you that i dont think your appearence will affect in any way how good a doctor you will be, so live and let live!! what really matters is that you are happy with yourself and that you are confident that you will not fail... your patients will sense this and will feel confident too.
Im writing from El Salvador, where medicine is a 7 year long career... and believe me, there are ups and downs, its not a matter of easy or hard. so just keep on trying your best and then some more... that is all that can be expected from you. i do admire your courage and wish you the best!! YOU WILL DO GREAT, YOU JUST NEED TO BELIEVE IT!!
take care, and dont worry, you will survive!!
Posted by: Patty_Valiente | Sep 29, 2006 7:45:46 AM
Heya!
Just some advice from someone who's been there. Med School is a long hard slog and at times everyone feels overwhelmed, I know I did esp in my first year (damn those amino acids..) but it does improve! You need to focus on the essentials to get through, read old exam papers, do test questions, get a feel for whats important(and what your profs like to ask questions about!). Later when you study diseases remember to focus on the common and the serious (ie miss it and patient suffers). Just relax and give yourself time to settle in and the rest will turn out fine! You will be challenged thoroughly over the next few years but will become a person with greater insight into people and will have a greater conviction in your beliefs! Good luck!!
Posted by: Marie | Sep 29, 2006 3:34:05 PM
I think every medical students have the same feeling like you. Indeed, I'm not studying western medicine but Chinese Medicine in Hong Kong. Memorizing the diseases and treatments and prescriptions always make me feel frustrated. Actually, I'm preparing for my midterm exam when I read your passage. "How Will This Make Me a Better Doctor?" became a great encouragement to me.
Besides "How Will This Make Me a Better Doctor?", I think we also have to remind ourselves "Why you want to become a doctor?"
Posted by: Enid | Sep 29, 2006 11:13:17 PM
