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The Selfish Pursuit of Medicine
Kendra Campbell -- I just made it through my final exams for this semester. I’m really glad it’s over, because I don’t think I could have taken much more studying before my brain exploded. For the last few weeks of the semester, I really had to hunker down and focus completely on studying and making it to the end. I received many calls and emails from my friends and family, and even total strangers giving me nice words of encouragement. Unfortunately, I was so busy with med school that I didn’t respond to any of them. Actually, now that the semester is through, and I have electricity back (after Hurricane Dean passed through), I’m finally returning all my phone calls and replying to my emails.
One night I received a wonderful email from one of my good friends. She told me how much she missed me and caught me up on all the happenings in her life. I really wanted to email her back and let her know how nice it was of her to send me an email and check up on me, but I was simply too busy studying that I decided not to reply.
There seems to be a common perception that medicine is a field which people enter because they are somewhat selfless, and because they want to help people. There’s an assumption that because you have to sacrifice so much of your life to make it through medical school and residency, that most people wouldn’t have entered the field if they didn’t have some selfless qualities. Of course, there are many exceptions to this. Plenty of people do it for the money or prestige, but it seems like there has to be at least some altruism involved.
I’d like to believe that I'm entering the medical profession for many selfless reasons. And I do believe that to be mostly true. However, lately it seems like I have been selfishly neglecting my friends and family. They do everything in their abilities to support me. They have their lives too. But they take time out of their busy schedules to send me cards and notes of encouragement. In order for me to make it through med school, I’ve had to selfishly focus on myself. It’s hard to make it through the grueling exams without focusing on what you need to get done.
I guess I just find it harshly ironic that in my “selfless” pursuit of medicine, I’ve become an even more selfish person along the way. I’ve had to focus on myself in order to make it down the path that I’ve begun. I wonder if any of you out there have found yourselves in a similar situation.
August 20, 2007 in Kendra Campbell | Permalink
Comments
I feel the exact same way pursuing my PhD in clinical psychology. My family and friends are so supportive. Yet I am constantly apologizing for not keeping up with their lives or being rushed or late with important occasions with them. Thank goodness I am now seeing the light at the end of this PhD tunnel!
Posted by: MML | Aug 20, 2007 6:18:43 PM
oh i agree entirely! seems like many medical students are not so selfless after all. It was a disappointing thought - extremely disappointing. But I guess, I was too, like you - thought that doctors are some super humans. But, not to sound overly pessimistic, there are a minority who are very selfless.
Just for that minority, I am extremely glad. There is hope for the future of health care after all.
Posted by: bellocielo | Aug 21, 2007 3:15:10 AM
oh i completely agree!! i don't do much around around the house, wait for my friends to call ME ( and then i tell them i'll call back), don't visit my grandparents as often as i should... all in the name of MEDICINE..... even when it i'm not actually working or studying, i'm so exhausted, i'd just rather be zoned out, not thinking anything, in front of the tv, or SLEEP!!
Posted by: | Aug 21, 2007 1:32:23 PM
I think that at the beginning, for most, it can be about the money, but as time goes by, and they see how important being a dr is & how much of a change one person can make---they see the REAL REASON TO BECOME a dr--to help others. I know the REAL REASON why I'm doing it--to inspire others!!
Posted by: Mitra | Aug 21, 2007 4:21:26 PM
Wow. I feel so much better after reading this post and the comments. I do the same thing. My family is only 45 minutes away from me and I might see them once a month during the semester. I've felt guilty for so long and hoped that they understand the neglect. It's relieving to see that I'm not the only one going through this kind of thing. I'm going to forward this post to my parents. Thank you!
Brian
Posted by: brian | Aug 22, 2007 11:45:40 AM
I guess it's just about the balance between family and career. Nowadays in the competitive society I think not only our med students but also people in other fields feel the same unease of not handling the two aspects well.It is a big challenge for all the working people.Maybe,we will be thinking about the problem all the career life.
Posted by: Fancy | Aug 25, 2007 12:38:50 AM
"To INSPIRE others?" Mitra, have you even started medical school yet? That puritanical motivation won't last once you start seeing patients. A reality check for all: we go to medical school to become doctors. We become doctors for many personal reasons, but in the end, it's a J-O-B. I'm not talking large salary money, I'm just talking making a living. It's a noble profession, of course, but it's a profession, like a plumber. I don't care what specialty you choose--it WILL GET OLD. Find what REALLY motivates you, inside yourself, not anything based on anyone else.
Posted by: Reality | Aug 28, 2007 12:42:20 PM
I agree, The point is that i am an IMG and i was from another country half around the Earth from the States; i do not have my families here and not a lot of close friends. My families do not know i am trying to pursuit all the harsh USMLE exams here, they do not know what it is. So, they complain me sometimes why i do not contact them for a long time of course because they miss me. But i do miss them and i cannot blame them for not knowing this kind of a little private to the enclosed medical world.
But i agree with you all; all you need to do is just being "selfish" now, and after you are done, you will return all of those support with your profession to serve the people. It seems like it is the only choice for medical students, doctors, etc. who devote their life for this honorable profession.
i think medicine is a kind of religion, it is not a pure business. I read the history about Hippocrates, our creator. it seems that way back then in medicine. But, of course, now it has been changed a lot, but i still want to think of it as a kind of religion.
Posted by: Dr. M. | Aug 28, 2007 2:33:47 PM
Another irony is that we go into a field to help make other people healthy, yet med school is probably one of the unhealthiest things you can put yourself through! Not eating right, not exercising, pulling all-nighters, cramming for exams...and then once you make it through all that, starting a business! Oy!
Posted by: NaturoPath2B | Aug 28, 2007 2:36:23 PM
I spent so much time studying and being stressed out and irritable that my live-in girlfriend moved out after a fight.
Then she sued me to force me to sell our condo, which I had to fight to keep while going through the third-year Internal Medicine clerkship.
All in all, I had to take a break to settle the matter and keep my head straight--as opposed to shooting myself in the foot grade-wise had I continued to push myself through the year.
Now I am back with a fresh start and a new perspective after having studied my main passion: audio recording and songwriting for a semester.
If I had the chance to do it again, I would have been more forceful in telling my ex-girlfriend that we should have broken up before med school started. She insisted on moving down with me, and I was flattered.
Lesson learned.
Posted by: plethora | Aug 28, 2007 2:46:47 PM
I see it completely differently--it's not selfish at all. You aren't taking walkabouts in the wilderness searching your spirit guide. In other words, you aren't focused on YOU, you're focused on your studies, on learning your craft. Selfish, egocentric, self-centered--all these words are really neutral until put into a context; one would be wrong to assume they're negative. I think the more appropriate word is 'sacrifice.' Your friends and family are being denied you, yes, but you too are sacrificing. Sacrificing is dimetrically opposed to selfishness. If you sacrificed too little, your offerings as a physician would also be small. It's about balance in the end, but right now, the pendulum is necessarily on the "sacrifice" end. Things will be put right eventually, and the "selfless" part of our profession will outlive this temporary insanity.
Posted by: Enrico | Aug 28, 2007 3:19:37 PM
that's almost a replica of what i said as i was nearing the end of 1st year - med school gives you nearly complete tunnel vision.
Posted by: karen | Aug 28, 2007 3:33:21 PM
Don't confuse time studying with time spent focusing on yourself. That's not selfish. If you want to be a bit selfish (and you should at times), spend time pampering yourself, eating a good meal, relaxing, or whatever.
Posted by: Jane | Aug 28, 2007 4:30:18 PM
Hey, don't look at it like that. You *are* sacrificing your time with your loved ones. They are very important. *and* they would not keep supporting you if you weren't working so hard. You are making a lot of sacrifices. I'm sure there are many people around you who seem to have time for a social life, friends and family, but they are not putting their best effort in. Sounds like you are, and to be willing to put in the time, and making the effort, well, in the end, you will help more people than yourself. If that doesn't give meaning and fulfillment to your struggle, I don't know what will.
Posted by: James McNamara | Aug 28, 2007 4:37:29 PM
In my own path through medical school, I've faced the selfish demons and yet still found ways to share my love and time with those who matter most.
It certainly is easier not to call, to write, to remember those I love. Sometimes I even prefer not to remember that other people I went to college with are out there living normal lives, having families, buying homes, and having fun on the weekend.
There seems to be necessary evil of medical school in that it forces us to live at a lower level of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. We entered medical school as a step in Self-Actualization. Then, we quickly distributed into a bell curve of the best and brightest becoming average. Esteem became our main need. After the first exam, I was functioning at the Love and Belonging level, just trying to hold on to some semblance of a normal life. Throughout my pre-clinical years, I've drifted right at the edge of some Safety/Physiological needs, such as sleep, taking over my focus. During the third year, most of my classmates will be surviving at the physiologic needs level and yet, I sense that something has changed in me.
It is probably that my priorities have changed. I've learned to cope with that inherent selfishness that tells me not to answer the phone when the caller id shows my long winded sister. I don't blame medicine anymore when I can't be the daughter, sister, friend, etc. that I want to be. I take responsibility and face up to that fact that I chose this path and I had my priorities in a different order when I made selfish decisions. If medicine is a choice, so is selfishness. Now that I've decided that my family and close friends are more important to me than medicine, it is all really easy. And the best part is that somehow, by putting those closest to me ahead of medicine, I've lessened there neediness and improved my ability to focus on medicine. Everyone is more supportive now and I don't feel so emotionally drained by guilt anymore. I'm getting through medical school the best way I can but I'm not putting precious relationships on hold while years of my life fly past. I may not be that top scoring, highly competitive student anymore that I had to be to get into med school. Yet, I'm living a fulfilling life knowing completely that it is my choice and taking full responsibility for the decisions I make in the name of medicine.
Posted by: SequoiaSunset | Aug 28, 2007 4:58:35 PM
You're not being selfish by studying and working so hard, you're just training for a very demanding profession, which is something everyone has the right to do. You are making an investment in your future, your family's future and the future of all the patients you will see in your lifetime. There's a time for everything and now is the time to acquire the knowledge and skills that will help people and maybe even save lives.
Posted by: | Aug 28, 2007 5:35:35 PM
I have noticed this same phenomenon occur in my med student life and I echo the feelings of guilt as well. However, I do feel that to me it is less of a selfishness issue than it is one of effective time management. We as med students in 2007 are expected to learn all of the things in 4 years as our predecessors did in 1957, with all of the developments since then. That is a tall order for myself and most of my peers. It may be a cliche, but the experience really is like "drinking from a firehose". I also have a wife and kids that I need to spend time with and I am in a constant juggling of priorities to become a good doctor as well as a good husband and father. I think that we just have to come to a point when we make sacrifices in our personal lives for a time to get this stage of life completed. I am choosing to look at it as a sacrificial rather than selfish act.
Posted by: milsurg | Aug 28, 2007 5:47:34 PM
I entered this profession with expectations of a wildly rich and diverse social life; a misconception which seems to be shared by many who have never tried it. I expected my interpersonal and communication skills to come in handy, which they have, but not in the way I expected. I am forced to use those skills to collect needed information as efficiently as possible, without really getting to know the patient beyond "therapeutic" knowledge. I feel like I am briskly interrogating strangers, but never experiencing a "happening" social life. Others may think I am being selfish, but to me it feels like a sacrifice.
Posted by: John Milner | Aug 28, 2007 8:23:22 PM
I once heard that you have to be selfish in order to be selfless.
Posted by: Just beginning | Aug 28, 2007 8:51:20 PM
It seems that it wouldn't take too much of your time to send an e-card or two to faithful family members and friends. After all, no one knows as well as you do about your scheduled life. Be open to times to communicate that don't interfere with your schedule. After all, you can do anything you set your mind to.
Posted by: Angelique | Aug 29, 2007 7:33:19 AM
Not being funny, but I've been a nurse, uni tutor and am now a med student. Didn't we all go into this with our eyes open?! I've never been the best at catching up with family and friends, but it goes in cycles, there are days, weeks, months which are crazy busy, but then you'll find a moment when you are sitting doing nothing and you can take that opportunity to sit on the phone and have gas with friends about the last time you were together, or write a letter to your mum. Is it really that different in other professions. I love what I've done and what I am preparing to do. The friends and family that matter understand that you're busy, isn't everyone these days, focus on the time that you do have to make it the best you can. Better still if you think you should call someone, call them. It need only be 15min out of your day, if you think you can't spare the time, you are working too hard and need the break anyway. Life is too short, it's the same whoever you are, make the call.
Posted by: Robin | Aug 29, 2007 8:50:55 AM
It's pretty amazing, but 95%, if not more, of all medical students undergo this...
It's a walk into the knowledge of how life-changing medicine can be... And it's not only medicine... I guess that people with demanding jobs in general go through something like that, too. The difference about medicine is that, although we don't realize it when entering it, it's a whole new way of life...
Not just a profession...
So hang in there... and your family and true friends will always understand and will always be supportive... But make sure you don't spend your whole life asking for attention... Give some, too, whenever you can! It's as important as giving treatment to a patient who's a total stranger to you... That's what giving love back to your loved ones feels like and you should never forget that...
Learning how to compromise it all comes somewhere along the way...
Good luck! If you're selfish enough now to focus you'll find yourselves becoming selfless on the way...
Posted by: Nasstasjia | Aug 29, 2007 9:40:22 AM
Being the best medical doctor is for u to work hard,that's start at ur medical school days.Let me assure u something, u are not selfish but hardworking for a better life..
Posted by: Kingpin | Aug 29, 2007 10:08:43 AM
Not just medical students. I studyed for 3 years to become a radiographer, promising i would make up for all the time lost with my family. Having qualified, time outside of normal working hours is taken up by on call duties. Unfortunately, having entered a 'caring' profession, I am expected to be such a professional at all times and commit to such duties on a regular basis. When I am with my family, I am too tired to enjoy them. I love my job but sometimes I do regret my decision.
Posted by: Shahida | Aug 29, 2007 11:14:53 AM
I have just come back from hospital (training) and I feel absolutely shattered and mentally exhausted. Meanwhile, my flatmates are just getting ready to go out. I would absolutely love to go as well, but the guilt of drinking and not performing well the next day is a bit stronger than the want to go out and just call in a "sicky". For the last year of medical school I have managed to balance both, going out with friends, and medicine and , believe me, THAT is self sacrifice - keeping up both - work and social life! It is rather straining on the health mostly. I do hope I am still alive to complete my medical training , but I would never give up the life that some of my 'selfish'colleagues are missing out on. At the end of the day, you can't just get away with hiding behind hospital doors, mixing only with medics and pretending you are a great person (especially to your family and friends) for that.
Posted by: Ellie | Aug 29, 2007 11:34:07 AM
